Soul-Care Articles: Christ-centered, Spirit-led, Biblically-based, Clinically-sound, Truth-oriented

Posts tagged ‘controlling anger’

Make Anger Your Servant…Not Your Master

SOURCE: Taken from an article by  Karl Benzio/Stepping Stones/Lighthouse Network

[Recently], we talked about how anger is not necessarily the result of doing something wrong, dysfunctional, or sinful. Jesus and God expressed anger many times, so we know anger can be positive and serve us well.

But we are still left with the important question, “What causes anger?”

We often assume that our anger is caused by situations like a rude driver, an unfair criticism, or a friend’s betrayal. In reality, the answer is “nothing” around us causes anger, even though these situations are usually followed by our own angry reactions. In fact, the angry feeling is actually our own doing. You see the lenses we use to view a situation precipitate the feeling of anger. Nevertheless, we usually blame others for “making” us feel that angry way.

Let me give an example to help clarify.

During a basketball game, if my team scores a last minute, game-winning basket, I am excited. But someone rooting for the other team who experiences the same event may actually be angry or frustrated, or have other negative emotions immediately after the shot goes in. The event, a made shot, doesn’t cause the anger. If it did, everybody experiencing the event would be angry. You see, the difference is the lens you use you we witness or experience each event. That’s what determines your emotional response.

Understanding this key point is so freeing and eye-opening. Anger (or any negative feeling) is a great warning system. Anger lets us know when something is not going right or when potential danger exists. If I were in the jungle and saw a tiger, I would get angry, sad, worried, and frightened. That’s an example of a good warning system letting me know I’m not safe, and it pushes me to action. Without negative feelings I would probably walk along merrily and be devoured by the tiger.

When someone insults us or treats us badly, we should get angry. That lets us know a problem exists in the relationship and needs to be addressed. Hopefully, we look at our options and choose appropriate options as we respond. God has given us free will to control our feelings, thoughts, and actions. Will we choose unkind words and find a way to “get even”? Or will we problem-solve and forgive? It’s our choice. Despite our backgrounds or the current circumstances, we are responsible for our own behaviors. We can’t blame them on our emotions.

Unfortunately, we often let anger rule us. It becomes the main influence on our decision-making. Anger serves us well as a warning system. However, anger is a very poor master. None of us express our feelings appropriately all the time. However, the Bible tells us, For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. Philippians 4:13.

Today, notice when you feel angry and STOP!

Then thank God for a great warning system. Then look past the anger to the actual problem the anger warned you about and address it. If you do not, your warning system (anger) will keep on alerting you until the problem is resolved. Let Jesus help make anger your servant instead of your master. Follow His attitude, actions, and teachings.  Whether you use you anger to function better or you let it ruin you is your decision, so choose well.

Dear Father God, thank You so much for my anger, and all my negative feelings. It is awesome to know You gave me a warning system that alerts me to problems and danger. When I get angry, help me to choose the Godly response … the one that is pleasing to You. Teach me to control my anger, to have patience, to problem-solve, and to forgive. Thanks for Your soothing Spirit when I feel angry and show me how to access it easily. Help me to follow You when I feel this pain. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who teaches me how to handle all things well, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say – AMEN!

The Truth
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. Proverbs 19:11

Advertisements

MANAGING ANGER: Seeing RED !!

SOURCE:  American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV)

“In your anger, do not sin.” Apostle Paul

Throwing a chair across the basketball court… Slamming a fist through a wall… The frustration when someone cuts you off in traffic… Those feelings you get when someone tells a trusted secret… How a child feels when dad doesn’t come home.

When life isn’t the way we think it should be, it’s easy to get angry. God wired us that way.

Anger is one of the most often misunderstood, yet significant concepts in life. Best understood as A state of preparedness” to respond to a real or perceived wrongdoing or injustice in life, anger motivates a person to action.

Paul taught in Ephesians 4:26 (NIV), “In your anger, don’t sin.”  While anger always finds an expression, what you decide to do in your “state of preparedness” determines whether or not you will “sin”.

Anger management starts when we:

  1. See it — Identifying the cause of anger in your life especially opens your spirit for God’s help. “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness…” (Romans 8:26 ESV)
  2. Delay it — Learn the value of “calming” to allow the anger to subside. “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” (Proverbs 14:29 ESV)
  3. Control it — Control your response rather than reacting emotionally. “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32 NIV)
  4. Settle it — Commit to not only “doing” the right things, but also “being” the right person. “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9 NIV)

When you invite God to help you identify your anger and take positive action, anger becomes a servant rather than a master.

In your anger — choose not to sin.

It just might turn your life around.

Anger: Love-Hate Relationship

SOURCE: Taken from an article by  Barbara Rainey/Family Life

You love every harmful word, O you deceitful tongue.
Psalm 52:4

I had been a mom for about six years when I first began to experience significant anger. And as the pressures of parenthood increased and our older children moved into adolescence, I started getting angry more severely and more often. It was inappropriate, and it was really becoming a problem.

One Thanksgiving weekend, my 13-year-old son and I got into a raging argument about . . . something. I don’t even remember what. I just remember I couldn’t control him, and I couldn’t control me. For years, I had justified my anger by saying I was so tired and worn out every day. Now, for the first time, I realized it had gotten bigger than I was. I could justify my behavior no longer.

Dennis was a part of the solution. As we talked it over, we agreed that it would be healthy for me to go through a period of counseling. As I sought help, the Lord sensitized my heart one summer day to the words of Psalm 52. As I was reading the fourth verse—the one above—my eyes filled with tears.

Suddenly I knew that in all my years of struggling, the only thing I really hated about my anger was that I couldn’t control it. Yet in those few moments of holy conviction, I realized I needed to hate my anger simply because it was sin. Before, I had only hated what I did with it. Now, I hated it for what it was.

Perhaps you’re still rationalizing a certain harmful behavior of yours by claiming your right to it. Perhaps, if you dug a little deeper, you might even discover, like I did, that you enjoy the power and control it gives you.

If this is you, don’t you think it’s time to confess (agree with God about it) and deal with it?

Ask God to give you the courage to confront those things about yourself that need to be dealt with.

Anger: Servant or Master?

SOURCE:  American Association of Christian Counselors

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV)“In your anger, do not sin.” -Apostle Paul

Throwing a chair across the basketball court… Slamming a fist through a wall… The frustration when someone cuts you off in traffic… Those feelings you get when someone tells a trusted secret… How a child feels when dad doesn’t come home. When life isn’t the way we think it should be, it’s easy to get angry. God wired us that way.Anger is one of the most often misunderstood, yet significant concepts in life. Best understood as A state of preparedness” to respond to a real or perceived wrong doing or injustice in life, anger motivates a person to action.Paul taught in Ephesians 4:26, “In your anger, don’t sin.” (NIV)  While anger always finds an expression, what you decide to do in your “state of preparedness” determines whether or not you will “sin”.  Anger management starts when we:

  1. See it — Identifying the cause of anger in your life especially opens your spirit for God’s help. “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness…” (Romans 8:26 ESV)
  2. Delay it — Learn the value of “calming” to allow the anger to subside. “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” (Proverbs 14:29 ESV)
  3. Control it — Control your response rather than reacting emotionally. “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32 NIV)
  4. Settle it — Commit to not only “doing” the right things, but also “being” the right person. “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9 NIV)

When you invite God to help you identify your anger and take positive action, anger becomes a servant rather than a master. 

In your anger — choose not to sin. It just might turn your life around.

Tag Cloud