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Archive for the ‘Submission’ Category

Q&A: Stop Accepting “Non-Apology” Apologies

SOURCE:   Taken from an article by Leslie Vernick

QUESTION:  My husband has had two affairs, he throws things when he’s angry, abandons me for days at a time after an argument and now has just completely detached himself from our family. He also lies about his whereabouts. I want to be the wife God has called me to but I can’t continue this way. My husband always says he is sorry and will change but these behaviors continue to resurface. Please help.

ANSWER: I think the first question you must settle is what kind of wife do you think God wants you to be for your husband? Is it a wife that allows herself to be abused, abandoned, lied to, and cheated on with no consequences?

You say I can’t continue this way. I don’t blame you. No one would want to be married this way. But I think your dilemma is that although you can, with God’s help, be the wife that God wants you to be, that doesn’t guarantee that your husband will become the husband God wants him to be or that you want him to be.

But the question remains, what kind of wife do you think God wants you to be here?

Do you think he wants you to be passive and continue to live with a man who lies to you, cheats on you, leaves you and scares you when he’s angry? Or, might God be calling you to love your husband in such a courageous way that you boldly confront his sinfulness, refuse to accept his excuses, and if he wants to remain married to you, require him to show that he’s repentant and truly wants to change. His words are meaningless. He repeatedly lies. If he wants to be married, it’s time that he take specific and consistent actions steps that demonstrate that he’s serious and willing to work hard to change.

What might that look like?

For starters he needs to get some accountability partners that will help him stay honest, engaged, and sexually faithful. He needs a plan to help him learn how to manage his emotions when he’s angry or hurt so he doesn’t get destructive, deceitful, or disengage for long periods of time. Obviously he hasn’t been able to change these habits by himself so he will need to get professional or competent pastoral help to learn how to deal with his emotions and understand why he does the things he does. These changes do not happen quickly or painlessly, but with God’s help, are possible for the person who is committed and teachable.

I think you fear that if you hold your husband to these necessary changes and he refuses, then what? I’m going to tell you the unvarnished truth. Your relationship is broken. You may stay legally married, you may even still live together but you cannot have a good marriage if your husband will not change.

Hear me. You can make a bad marriage better all by yourself (by not retaliating or repaying evil for evil), but you cannot make a bad marriage a good marriage all by yourself no matter how good a wife you are. 

We only have to read through the book of Jeremiah to see how God longed for Israel to repent, to come to her senses and change, but she would not. God loved Israel, but He could not and would not have a close and intimate relationship with her until she was willing to change her sinful, adulterous, deceitful ways.

God knows what you’re going through. Let him empower you to be the wife he wants you to be and the wife your husband most desperately needs, which might be totally different than you think. You don’t have to live this way anymore.

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Submission: Everybody Has A Role

SOURCE:  Living Free/Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 NIV (Also read Ephesians 5:18-6:4, Galatians 5:13)

In God’s plan for the family, each family member has a role to fulfill. God’s divine revelation for the family is mutual submission.

Each family member is first a child of God. Children of God are to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Each family member is called to submit to and respect the other family members’ God-given roles. This attitude of mutual respect can pass from generation to generation.

Important lessons about marriage are taught by the parents to the children through verbal and nonverbal communication. These lessons can have a tremendous influence, good or bad, on children. For example, if a husband loves and respects his wife, his son will probably love and respect his wife. And so on through the generations.

God does not view the various family positions in a hierarchy of superior to inferior. Each is given a different, but equally important, role to play. As each one carries out his or her role in the way God has designed, everyone will benefit.

The husband is to honor and submit to his wife’s role. To listen to her insights and the special wisdom God has given her. The wife is called to submit to and honor her husband as the spiritual leader of the home. Children are to honor and obey their parents. Parents are to submit to and honor their children, listening to the simple wisdom God has blessed them with … respecting their God-given talents and gifts and giving room and encouragement to grow in those areas … respecting their children’s unique traits and helping them grow into the person God has designed them to be.

Mutual submission, out of reverence for Christ.

Father, thank you for your perfect design for the family. Help our family members to understand and fulfill our roles according to your plan. Teach us to respect and submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. In Jesus’ name …

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These thoughts were drawn from …

Committed Couples: God’s Plan for Marriage & the Family by Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee.

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