SOURCE: Taken from an article at Living Free Ministry
Phase One: Experimentation
- I learn that experimenting with the substance/behavior makes me feel good.
- I don ‘t really see any serious negative consequences.
- I learn to trust the substance/behavior to make me feel good or help me escape every time I use it or do it.
- I learn how to use the substance/behavior to make myself feel great.
Phase Two: Social Use
- I begin to use or practice more regularly.
- This behavior or substance becomes a part of my social life.
- I use or practice in times and places that are socially acceptable.
- Daily lifestyle choices begin to be affected by my focus on this substance/behavior.
- I make rules for myself about my use/practice to make me feel safe.
- My use/behavior becomes a problem without warning.
Phase Three: Daily Preoccupation
- My use/practice becomes a harmful dependency.
- I begin to lose control over my use/practice.
- I violate my value system.
- I cannot block out the emotional pain.
- My lifestyle is centered on this compulsive behavior.
- Unresolved problems produce more stress and pain.
- I break my self-imposed safe use/practice rules.
- My life deteriorates in all areas, including health, spirituality, and relationships.
Phase Four: Using/Practicing Just to Feel Normal
- I lose touch with reality and experience delusions and paranoia.
- I may try to escape my problems by running away.
- I lose my desire to live.
- I have no desire for God I am spiritually bankrupt.
- I lose control and dignity.
- My problems grow in a snowball effect.
- My family relationships are destroyed (Lee, 22-23).
Genesis 4 records the account of Cain and a problem that mastered his life. He and his brother, Abel, brought their offerings to the lord. Abel’s offering was accepted, but Cain’s fruits of the ground were not received by the lord. Cain became very angry, and his face displayed his feelings. The Lord saw his anger and facial expressions and encouraged him to do what was right so that his offering and he would be accepted.
The Lord followed with a statement which illustrates how problems can become our master. But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it (Genesis 4:7). The Lord recognized a potential life-controlling problem crouching and ready to pounce on Cain if he opened the door. Cain opened the door, and anger became his master. He invited Abel to the field and killed him. When the Lord asked where Abel was, Cain responded trying to cover his evil actions by denying any knowledge of his brother’s whereabouts.
Allowing anger to rule his life, Cain committed murder, became a restless wanderer, and went from the presence of the Lord, thus alienating himself from God. Fed by jealousy, rebellion, and unbelief, anger became a stronghold in his life. This is an example of a life-controlling problem that is permitted to continue without intervention.
The concept of life-controlling stages is addressed in James 1:14-15: but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. The downward spiral starts with temptation (an attraction to). The second stage is desire (to long for). Desire conceives and gives birth to the third stage, sin. The final stage is death.
James’ concept of life-controlling problems can be compared with a marriage to an addiction. The marriage begins with courtship. Although initially the victim may not recognize the courtship as such because it is appealing, the victim is tempted and drawn to an addiction. The victim is enticed and allured into a relationship and gives consent. An addiction takes hold with a conception of a problem that now starts to master a person’s life.
Months or even years later, there is the birth of a child (trouble). The fruit of the life-controlling problem causes all kinds of problems in the home, church, school, and workplace. The relationship arrives at a place of completion. In this stage, the marriage has become fatalistic (destructive relationship) to the victim and has hurt those who are close. The end result is corruption. If the relationship is not broken with the addiction, death always follows: spiritual, emotional and physical.
There are certain stages involved in David’s sin with Bathsheba as recorded in 2 Samuel 11. In stage one, From the roof he saw a woman bathing (v2). David entered stage two when he sent someone to find out about her (v3). In the third stage, David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her (v4). To further complicate matters, David tried to cover up his sin which led to the murder of Bathsheba’s husband.
Joshua 7 discusses Achan’s sin of disobedience which led to his death. After the Lord delivered Jericho into the hands of Joshua and the Israelites, they were commanded to stay away from the sacred things which included all the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron (6:19). Achan’s sin was a violation of this command and was committed in stages. In the first stage he saw in the plunder a beautiful robe from Babylonia, two hundred shekels of silver and a wedge of gold weighing fifty shekels (7:21). Achan followed his temptation by coveting the riches (stage two). Then, he took the riches (stage three) and hid them. In addition to his own death, his sin adversely affected the entire nation of Israel just as life-controlling problems often go beyond the victim’s hurting only himself.
As a rule with few exceptions, life-controlling problems do not occur overnight. I have met with parents who have tragically lost a child to chemical dependency. Many times they wanted to think the child had just started using drugs. There was the wife who caught her husband entertaining a prostitute, and she believed his insistence that this was the first time. Actually, for those who have reached the ultimate end of their addiction, whether physical death or emotional and spiritual death, their death occurred on the installment plan. They died one phase at a time. Paul writes: For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).
On the way from my motel to the airport in Oklahoma City, the taxi driver explained how his life had been totally destroyed by gambling. Not knowing that his passenger had just taught the phases of a life-controlling problems at a seminar, he proceeded to tell me how phase by phase he became controlled by gambling. At one time the head of a corporation with a salary in six figures, he started experimenting by playing the state lottery. Gambling became a social part of his life in which he bet on various sporting events. The infrequent big wins kept him coming back for a larger win. Gambling became the center of his life and progressed to become his one and only master. He not only lost his position and dignity but his family as well. In the ten minute ride to the airport, he explained in detail the process I had just taught.
Material from Understanding the Times and Knowing What to Do
Copyright © 1991, 1997 by Turning Point Ministries