Soul-Care Articles: Christ-centered, Spirit-led, Biblically-based, Clinically-sound, Truth-oriented

The Counseling Moment Editor’s Note:  Research conducted by Dr. Gottman is helpful in understanding the quality of the relationship in Christian marriages.  Even in the most intimate Relationship — between the Lord Jesus Christ and His own (John 15:15) — the Lord emphasized friendship.  As “all truth is God’s truth,” Christians can wisely benefit from this well done research.

SOURCE:  Dr. John Gottman

One of the most important features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friendship.

Do you know your partner’s inner world?

Take the quiz below and fInd out:

1. I can name my partner’s best friends.

2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.

3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.

4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams.

5. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life.

6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.

7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.

8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner.

9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.

10. My partner really respects me.

11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.

12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship.

13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.

14. My partner generally likes my personality.

15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.

16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.

17. My partner is one of my best friends.

18. We just love talking to each other.

19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.

20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.

21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.

22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.


15 or more YES answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations!

8 to 14: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon but there are also some weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

This quiz highlights elements of what Dr. Gottman refers to as your “love map.” In his workshops, Dr. Gottman discusses the step-by-step process of making sure that you nurture your friendship with your partner. In a survey of 200 couples attending a weekend workshop, Dr. Gottman found that the best predictor of passion and romance in a relationship was…you guessed it…the quality of the friendship!


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