SOURCE: COUNSELING SOLUTIONS/Rick Thomas
A wife can be a husband’s greatest asset or his greatest liability.
Here’s the question for you dear wife:
How are you using your gifts, strengths, skills, or talents to help your husband to be a better leader?
Here’s the argument:
Why does he need me to help him to do what he is supposed to be doing? Why should I help him lead? Why are you putting the weight of his failures in my lap?
Back to the Gospel
This has nothing to do with putting his failures in your lap. It also has nothing to do with letting him off the hook for his failures. That is wrongheaded and missing the point entirely.
It’s not about who is at fault or who is the most guilty. It is about the Gospel.
One of the most profound demonstrations and motivating examples of the Gospel in a marriage is when a wife will set aside her desires because she is motivated to serve her husband so he can become a better leader.
Isn’t this what the Savior did for us?
Take a look a Philippians 2:5-11
- Though he was in the form of God … [He] made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
- He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
- Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name
Jesus Christ set aside the life He enjoyed with His Father in order to come to earth to help us become what we couldn’t become on our own. Now we are being called to model what the Savior modeled. Paul is appealing to us to set aside our preferences for the greater good of others:
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. – Philippians 2:3 (ESV)
In time, Christ was highly exalted to His former position. However, there was a big difference: He is now able to enjoy His former exalted state with millions of worshippers whom He gave His life for.
Sometimes a wife can get so out-of-focus regarding her marriage that she misses this practical Gospel application to her marriage. Instead of working toward maturing the marriage through her humility, her own desires stand in the way of what God could do through her.
I realize that what I have presented here is not the total solution to marriage problems. Marriage problems can be complex and there are many things that both partners need to do and change. My point is not to bring a total solution to all marriage problems.
My goal here is to highlight one negative aspect of a marriage that can tear away at the fabric of the marriage.
Wife, are you more focused on what your marriage is not giving you, or are you regularly stepping up to the plate in order to help your husband to be a better leader? Do you know how to serve your husband this way?
God has used my wife’s strengths repeatedly through the years to help me to be a better husband. This is not the “air beneath my wings” pop culture sentimentality that is so pervasive today.
This is the Gospel.
My wife has been a remarkable practical example of what I see Christ doing in Philippians chapter two. He temporarily set aside His comfort for the betterment of you and me. My wife has set aside, on many occasions, her preferences in order to “lead” me to a greater understanding of Christ.
This has motivated me to serve her all the more while glorifying God more effectively.