Soul-Care Articles: Christ-centered, Spirit-led, Biblically-based, Clinically-sound, Truth-oriented

SOURCE:  American Association of Christian Counselors

How can people overcome jealousy before it reaches the point of disaster?

Below are several useful tactics for battling and overcoming jealousy in one’s marriage.

Action Steps:

  1. Listen to Others
    • If good friends and loved ones comment on their jealousy, it’s a good sign that a problem exists and should be faced.
  2. Be Honest
    • If you are being accused of jealousy, do not react with, “I’m not jealous!” You must ask yourself, “Do I try to control and manipulate my loved one? What or who is causing these jealous feelings? Am I pushing my loved ones away? Do I attempt to make my loved ones account for every minute, look, or thought?”
  3. Spend Time with God
    • If you are dealing with jealousy, you must soak each question above in prayer, asking God to reveal the truth and to give you the courage to act on it. You must ask God to transform your need for security into dependence on and confidence in Him.
  4. Transform the Mind
    • If you are a jealous person, you can use your anxious thoughts and suspicions as cues to stop your dark reactions, take a deep cleansing breath, pray, and get control. Then you should pray for the beloved, think about all the positives in the relationship, and consider what special things you could do, right then, to show love to him [her]. A phone call, a touch, or a gift could do wonders — for both of you.

Biblical Insights:

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast… Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Genesis 4:3–5, 8 NIV

Jealousy is a dangerous emotion that has been with man for a very long time. Jealousy can get out of control, as is evidenced in the story of Cain and Abel. Think about the drastic contrast displayed in the above passage: Cain is giving an offering to God, and soon afterward his jealousy drives him to commit a terrible deed.

Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David. 1 Samuel 18:8–9 NIV

The Israelites sang a song that was designed to honor David and tease their king, Saul. If the Israelites were trying to get at Saul with their teasing, they very much succeeded. When Saul realized David’s popularity, his envy was so great he became an adversary to him.

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.Proverbs 14:30 NIV

This piece of biblical wisdom from Proverbs has been proven in many lives. New clinical evidence shows the detrimental effects of stress on the human body—and jealousy always brings on a great deal of stress. Persons who harbor jealousy — emotionally, spiritually, and physically — are doing damage to themselves.

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